Not Quite Supermom

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

election time

You may NOT have heard about it but we here in the UK had an election recently..I know..probably passed you by bit like it did me..
However, I did decide to vote and took the children for a "family outing" to the polling station.
They were dead excited and got dressed in their very smartest clothes. Felt a bit bad building it up to them...when all you actually do is put a cross on a piece of paper and pop it in a box.
So...
on the way I decided to play a game.
Notquitesupermom: "I know kids...when we get to the polling station lets tell everyone we are voting for someone really funny..like the honey monster or Tony the Tiger...you know..lets just say someone really funny who hasent got a hope in hell of winning."
Ryan: "we could say we were voting for Gordon Brown. That would be funny"
Notquitesupermom: *first time in her life....speechless*

When did my 8 yr old become so politically savvy???
I feel old.



Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Gerry The Gerbil and The Curry Tsunami

The evening of the Curry Tsunami started off innocently enough.

Gerry had obviously had a normal kind of Gerbil day...get up, drink a bit out his space bottle, have a spin on his wheel, little bit of food..maybe quick spin in space buggy...little sleepy wrapped in cotton wool....some more food...you know...the usual gerbil routine..

Although clearly Gerry had other ideas that evening..

He was sooo up for an adventure it wasn't even funny...

Hahaha...actually...I lie...it was sort of funny in an "all wells that ends well" way..

Anyway..

It was a Saturday night and I had cooked a lovely curry, left the pan in the sink filled with water to soak and went through to the lounge to watch a dvd and drink wine with Mr G.

You know. Normal stuff.

Bottle of wine later I decide to pop back into the kitchen to replenish supplies.

Am pottering round the kitchen when out the corner of my eye I spot something unusual lying by the sink..

It took a moment for my brain to catch up with my eyes.

It was Gerry the gerbil. Soaking wet. Gasping for breath.

I ran over to the sink...kind of like a slow mo Baywatch run. Clearly I didnt have a red swim suit on as was in pyjamas.

NotQuiteSupermom: *slow mo* "Nooooooooo...Geeeerrrryyyyy..."
Gerry: *gasp*

As I was doing my 2 metre slow mo Baywatch run across the kitchen I tried to establish the facts. Gerry had clearly escaped. He also obviously:
A. likes swimming in curry water
B. Likes curry
C. Needs glasses as he couldnt see where he was going and accidentally plopped off the kitchen side into the pan in the sink
or D. He is an adrenaline junkie and the space buggy just isnt enough excitement for him anymore.

I wrap his teeny weeny curry smelling body in a tea towel and start stroking him. He smelt really spicy.

Just then he took one long drawn out breath....and then..nothing....

NotquiteSupermom: *wailing* "Nooooo...Gerry...dont die, dont die, come on Gerry..fight"
NotquiteSupermom *in her head to herself* "Oh bugger..I dont want to do CPR on a gerbil. I wouldnt even know how and there is no time to Google it.."

I run through to the lounge, clutching his lifeless body in the tea towel.

Notquitesupermom: *crying hysterically* "Mr G, Mr G, its Gerry. Hes dead."
Mr G: *slowly peeling his eyes away fom the film..as he is used to dealing with a hysterical wife* "Sorry..what? Whats happenned?"
Notquitesupermom *gasping for breath as she had run oooohh all of 4 metres* "Gerry.... Curry.... Pan.... Sink.... Water... Dead."
Mr G: "Have you tried CPR?"
NotquiteSupermom: "Erm..... No.... You do it."
NotquiteSupermom: *sobbing relentlessly and starting a eulogy* "He was the nicest Gerbil anyone could ever have..look at his beautiful little nose..and his tiny curry smelling body..*stroking him*...remember the time he drove into the skirting board in his space buggy and nearly knocked himself out?..Oh..Gerry..always living on the edge...I suppose it was only a matter of time before his passion for excitement got the better of him..he was such a happy little gerbil..I only hope he didnt suffer too much and died doing what he loved best......."

Just then a miracle occured.

Gerry suddenly sprang back to life.

UNFORTUNATELY for Gerry..I wasn't quite expecting this turn of events.

I screamed and threw him up into the air.

He landed with a soggy "splat" on the carpet.

Mr G: "Well..if he wasn't dead before..I'd say he probably is now."
NotquiteSupermom: "OMG. I've killed Gerry. Im a murderer. It was an accident..I didnt mean to do it. What shall we tell the children?"

Luckily for me, just as I was contemplating:
A. a life spent behind bars
B. how to dispose of the body and cover my tracks
C. How on earth to explain to the children that Gerry was dead and it was ALL MY FAULT...
... another act of divine intervention occurred.

Gerry clamboured up onto his feet..gave me a really really dirty look (potentially he didnt rate my curry making skills as highly as I did)...and scurried off under the sofa.

It took a while after that incident for Gerry to find it in his heart to forgive me...but I think he knew I didnt mean it...just that sudden movements from dead gerbils can give you a bit of a shock..




Wascally Wittle Wodents...

Have been thinking ALOT about hamsters recently.

Not in a weird "get yourself locked up" kind of way

But just generally...

Have been watching this programme too many times with kids

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCrQ1KOos98

(Its not rude so you can watch it with the kids)

Incidentally I do all the voices for the characters..odd talent I have..discovered by accident)

Soooooooo...

Was thinking about our past array of animals...

Obviously..we have The Dogs. If you arent familiar please refer to Canine Capers story....

Then my thoughts turned to Gerry. The Gerbil.

He had a turbulent life...

Poor thing.

Gerry was purchased from 'Pets r Us.' Kind of like 'Toys r Us' except for the fact that they deal in Real Life things and not things that need triple A batteries to get them moving...

We spent a small fortune on the ideal crash pad for Gerry...unfortunately it wasent quite on this scale:-


(some facts for you...this is Jake Hamsters cage. It took a year to build..is over 5ft high...and provides 17.5 feet of running space....)

Yes I know...

Its a bloody hamster.

We did however purchase this item for Gerry:



You know..just incase he needs to make a moon landing or something. Best to be prepared.

Cost of Gerbil: £3.75
Cost of Gerbil Accessories: £94.72p

Hmmm.

We settled Gerry into his new pad and he seemed very happy...and content. He didnt seem to run around as much as I thought gerbils would but just liked to lie relaxing. By the next day I was getting a bit bored as he didnt seem to want to do anything.

I decided to take him to the vet. First in series of expensive trips. The vet diagnosed a broken leg (he did mini xray and everything). Gerry needed 3 nights at the vets. I decided to call Pets r us to complain.
Notquitesupermom: "hello..you sold me a gerbil yesterday that has a broken leg"
Helpful shop person: "Do you still have your receipt"
Notquitesupermom: "yes..why?"
Helpful shop person: "oooo..bring in the gerbil with the receipt and we will exchange your gerbil for one without a broken leg."
Notquitesupermom: (suspiciously) "But what will you do with Gerry the Gerbil?"
Helpful shop person: "Oh dont worry about that."
Notquitesupermom: "Well I am worried. He's like family now....I know he only cost £3.75 and £94.72 in accessories but I am slightly concerned about his welfare if I bring him back...my mind is thinking you might get out a shovel..."
Helpful shop person: (sighing) "well the other alternative is for you to pass the vets bills onto us."
Notquitesupermom: "very happy to do that..he has been receiving round the clock treatment at a very exclusive practice....will definately send you the bill."

Gerry led a very happy and productive life from that point on...until the day of Gerry the Gerbils curry Tsunami.

That day he cheated death.

Twice.

 

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