Firstly I would like to apologise for my lack of blogging.
I went on HOLIDAY.
On a plane.
With 3 kids and Mr G.
I have yet to fully recover from The Experience.
The preparations went well. I was very very excited. I booked the holiday in January in a flush of Post Christmas Cheer to "give us something to look forward to."
I am stupid.
Six months later, nearly time for The Holiday and I am a bundle of excitement.
As a Supermom in training I packed our bags a week before the holiday so I was well prepared and organised.
Unfortunately I had to keep unpacking them as none of us had anything to wear and it was becoming a bit of an issue.
We flew on a "low budget no frills airline."
They charge for baggage. I thought ONE hold baggage and 4 hand baggages would suffice.
ANYWAY: I had arranged for my mother to drive us to the airport. V. organised and efficient.
It was roughly 20 minutes before she was due to pick us up that things started to go horribly wrong.
That day had so far been spent fielding the MILLIONS of phone calls because we were going away for TWO WEEKS.
I was on the phone when Alfie came up to me crying and pulling at my leg.
Alfie: " Me put something up nose."
NotQuiteSupermom: "Hold on darling, Mommy's on the phone right now..just give me a minute."
Alfie: "Nose. Plasticine. Me."
NotQuiteSupermom: (to caller)..."I'll have to call you back after the holiday." *hang up* (To Alfie) "WHAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?? You know you should never put anything up your nose, or in your ears...or up your bottom? You havent? Have you? Truth?
I laid him down on the bed and got out the torch.
Big lump of plasticine. Right up there.
Sadly my "First Aid for Parents" book DOES NOT HAVE A CHAPTER ABOUT OBJECTS BEING STUFFED IN NASAL CAVITIES.
So, without the help from my bible, I look for the tweezers. Very calmly. Reiterating the point to Alfie that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES he should sniff. (Note: have you ever tried to teach a small child the difference between sniff and blow??) Sniff= easy. Blow= Very Very Difficult.
Cant find the sodding tweezers. Anywhere.
Less than 1 Hr before we NEED to check in.
Vaguely recall reading that POTENTIALLY it might not be great for a child to travel ON A PLANE with plasticine up his nose.
Thinking about using the scissors. Its the only "pinch grip" type thing I have...unless I raid Mr G's tool box in the garage. But I'm not entirely sure that a monkey wrench will fit up Alfies very small nasal passage.
Flash of inspiration.
Either this will work or it will go HORRIBLY WRONG and a trip to A&E will be required.
NotQuiteSupermom: "Alfie sweetie. Bend down and touch your toes."
NotQuiteSupermom: " Lets pretend that you have to...ooohh..I dont know. (NOT GO ON HOLIDAY BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOMETHING STUCK UP YOUR NOSE)....blow something really hard OUT your nose AND not sniff it back?? Do you think if you bend over you can do that for Mommy? Superman does that all the time."
We all held our breath.
To blow..or to sniff? That is the question.
I held my breath.
Alfie (fortunately) didnt hold his.
He gave a HUGE Superman styleee blow.
With a quite astounding "POP" the plasticine pinged out his nose and onto the carpet.
Our silent worship of the blue plasticne ball was rudely interrupted by the doorbell.
Mother: (v. cheerful) "Already to go?"
NotQuiteSupermom: "Yes. Absolutely. Let's go."
Although...with hindsight..had I known what was to come..I think my answer would have been very different.
It gets worse.