...what stands in my way of being a Supermom
1. People who send cards with confetti pieces in them saying "happy birthday" or "congratulations" etc that exploded all over the floor when you open the card. Do these people not know:
A. What a choking hazard confetti represents to an inquistive crawling baby?
B. How long the mess will take to clean up?
C. For how many months I will be finding the bits of confetti? I found a Happy Easter one under the sofa at Christmas.
2. That man in Asda who told me that I shouldnt be allowed to drive a %^&*£!" trolley. He kind of had a point in that I was a bit distracted by a crying baby, Alfie crying because he wanted another Sonic Screwdriver and the fact that Asda had moved the dairy aisle so I was looking behind me...but still! Love thy neighbour and all that...
3. Asda. For:
A. moving the dairy aisle and leading to the incident above and
B. For having such long queues at the checkout that my eldest always needs a wee just as I have unloaded the last of the shopping onto the conveyor. What do you do? Whip out a bottle?
4. While on the subject of love thy neighbour... my over the road neighbour. More about her to come in My Nemesis. Every potential Superhero has one. Apparently.
5. My Hair. For being a perpetual nightmare, never doing what it's told and generally looking like a flock of birds have taken nest there.
6. The Dogs. Just as I mop the floors..they want to go out and dig up the garden. So when they come in my floors look the same as they did before I mopped them. They also:
A. Poo everywhere...mostly in the garden..but sometimes in the house. Mr G gags when he has to clean it up so poo duty is up to me. Somedays all I do is deal with poo (children + dogs)
B. Bring me pirates, socks, shoes and various random items at 3am. They want to play.
C. Pretend to shag all the time...even at 3am... ON MY BED!
D. Eat shoes..I only have 2 pairs left.
E. Take the knickers I had left on the floor after a night out to my Mother in Law in bed (she babysat that night and stayed over). Mother in Law came down to breakfast the next morning brandishing said knickers.
F. Lick their private parts and then try and lick the children. YUCK!
7. The Kumon lady. This is a direct quote from her email to me after I said Ryan was no longer going to be attending her after school classes (at £50 a month):
"It is such a shame that you did not grasp the concept of the Kumon programme. I always do warn people that Kumon will only fail you if it is run incorrectly at home and by what you have described it has been. You have a very bright little boy but I think your other family commitments have perhaps overshadowed this.
I wish you every success in the future and hope you will have time to nurture Ryan's potential."
Horrid lady. If I ever hate anyone in the world...it would be her.
Thats all for now..I'm sure I'll think of some more!